Complication

It was on a depressed Wednesday night, after a very tough day, I had this little chat with my friend about marriage. He's already married his college sweetheart. Me on the other hand, is a lost girl. The one that don't want to be bothered with the whole dating or marriage thing whatsoever. I ask him one question that keep hanging in my mind...

"how can you let a stranger become a crucial part of your life, let your guard down for him/her and give her/him almost unlimited access to every part of you?"

Because that's what I thought about marriage. It's about letting someone in and hopefully, he'll stay there forever. But that person, eventhough you date him/her for as long as you remember, is still a stranger. You're not born with him/her, not grow up with him/her, not always together with him/her and above all, you have all the right to choose to be with him/her. So what's make a person so sure to accept someone unconditionally and make him/her a part of their life?

It took almost 2 hours after the conversation to get the answer from my friend. It's not really an answer, he gave me the basic reasoning. He said, there's a hint of worry and doubt in my question. The theme is classic, insecurity. Which is common for girls my age. Most girls -basically- are vulnerable and fragile, and they seek security and comfort in a relationship. On the other side, a man has an acute need of being needed. That even a jerk like Barney Stinson still want to be needed by girls because... well... he's good in bed. So, the bottomline is, when those two needs collided in overlapping timeline, finally meet, clicked and matched with each other, my question will be irrelevant. At that point, a couple will realize that what they want and need is take a step further and build a life together. No more question, no more reasoning. Just know that it's right.

It take me sometimes to think about his answer, and come to realization that my girl friends also said similar thing to me with different packaging... 'you just haven't meet the man yet'. I always take the answer like that lightly, but when I talk similar thing to a boy and he gave me different packaging of the answer (with all reasoning and so-called psychological analysis), I get it immediately. Sigh, maybe my brain is hardwired for complication, you have to explain a simple thing using quantum mechanic vocabulary if you want to get my attention. I'm that complicated. But maybe, sometimes I'll look at this subject with simpler mindset. Maybe, when the urge to be a relationship is high, when most of my close friend won't hang out with me anymore because of 'family-issue' and my family has barked loudly in my ears every now and then, I'll be forced to look at thing with simpler perspective. Maybe, someday it's not about trust issue anymore. Maybe, it just about having someone to spend the rest of your life with and prevent human race from extinction. We'll see.