New Year, New Optimism

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"  [Semisonic - Closing Time]

Another year pass, a new year start. What it means to have a new year started? new hope, new activities, new projects... for me, its new optimism.

Somehow, 2012 is a tough year for me. It started with so much disappointment, so many unfulfilled expectation and somehow, large portion of rage. I started 2012 as a bitter girl. There are so many challenges in my personal and professional life that left myself hanging by thin thread. Feeling lonely and isolated. Asked around 'what is my fault?' over and over again, and feeling that my confidence and self-esteem deteriorated slowly. And close to third quarter's end, I begin to think that maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. Lost hope, lost girl.

But then, the last part of 2012 God gave me what I called 'a little pat in the head'. It just a simple moment, watching your precious persons still there around you while you are being a sulky bitter witch. I feel like Allah grin at me and said, "I just gave you a bitter coffee and you start curse around like I gave you poison, seriously girl, grow up!' - well maybe not literally like that :D But that's how it all unraveled. The bitterness, rage and self pity. I feel liberated.

So, this is it. I close 2012 with a smile, a warm smile and a little look back and said 'thank you for the coffee, it was great'. I look ahead, grin, and said 'bring it on! I like coffee anyway'. There are so many things I still want to pursue. I'm still young, and I'm still not set the world on fire yet. And like that line in the beginning... last year's beginning was a bitter one, but it has come to an end, and that end comes with a smile and optimism. Let's start the year in optimism and hope that it will close with a greater state.